Heartbreak Lullaby
by Yuli Himura
Summary: Life and death from Severus Snape's point of view. Might containg some spoilers for The Half Blood Prince [SnapeLily, OneShot]


**Heartbreak Lullaby**

The wind was blowing very hard on this summer night. A dark hooded figure stood at the top of the hill, where the cemetery was located in the small village. It had been years since he had come here for the last time, but he had always asked for her forgiveness when he did something terribly wrong.

Severus Snape was standing in front of Lily's grave, his robes fluttering strongly with the midnight wind. He couldn't think of anything worst than what he had just done… How would he explain to her what had happened? Memories came flooding his mind as he stood there. His image of her, her perfect oval face and her scandalous red hair, her wand expertly casting charm after charm, her freedom… but that was obviously before that Potter boy took her away. Severus used to think of her as Lily Evans, never as Lily Potter.

"Severus Snape" –said the Sorting Hat –"Mmh... interesting… great potential I see" –it continued apparently munching on something –"Are you sure? I can also see - - very well then… Slytherin!"

There was something that the first year boy was never going to tell anyone and would carry with him to his grave and it was that the Sorting Hat had offered a position in Gryffindor instead of Slytherin as he wanted, but in his head he had thought over and over again 'not Gryffindor… not Gryffindor…' and as he would come to know many years later, we are who we are not because of destiny, but because of our choices.

It was not as if he had been following a legacy of that particular House, as none of his parents had been in Slytherin, but it was his fascination for Dark Arts what pushed him that way. He would have liked to believe on the House Pure Blood rule, but as he knew and would also keep to himself, he was no Pure Blood. Although his mother was an exceptional Pure Blood wizard, she had married a muggle and ended the line there.

What no one would discover, until many, many years later, was that he had taken his mother's name and created a false identity with it: The Half Blood Prince. Unfortunately, his mother Eileen, the last Prince Heir, had died two years ago. Besides his fascination for Dark Arts, Severus wasn't really a bad kid, until he began hanging around all those Slytherins, but more than anything, his hatred for a Gryffindor boy: James Potter, a Pure Blood.

When he was in his fourth year, from the very moment Professor Slughorn had paired him with a Gryffindor girl for Potions Class, he had noted the irony of the situation. James Potter, who clearly fancied her, the prettiest, smartest Gryffindor girl, who also happened not to be a Pure Blood (she was a muggle born, actually), had to watch them work together every single day.

Anyhow, what Severus thought he could use to get back at Potter actually turned against him, as he started to slowly fall for the girl, Lily Evans. He had achieved his goal of becoming the first student in Potions so he could impress her.

The end of October was approaching, and with it, the Halloween Feast that was celebrated at Hogwarts every year. Severus had only one week to ask her to go with him. He would often watch her walk down corridors without being able to say a word to her. Why on earth was it so difficult to say 'hey Lily, wanna go to the feast with me?'. The worst that could happen was that she didn't want to, but being such a kind person she'd say no in a non-offensive way, besides, they had somewhat become friends, had they not?

"Hey Snivellus, waiting for Dream Girl to turn your way?" – a voice called behind him in History of Magic. He had been scribbling a note for Lily during the first fifteen minutes, but she hadn't turned yet.

"Sod off Potter, it's none of your business" –he heard Black (one of Potter's followers) whisper something to him as he pushed his glasses up onto the bridge of his nose with what seemed a very wicked smile for a Gryffindor.

"Sure, it's none of my business" –he said –"unless she's going with me instead of you"

In the end, she turned them both down, a bit less kind to Potter, and went by herself, as did both boys.

"What on earth are you doing with that loser Evans? You're not planning on dating him, are you? It'd be disastrous to waste your talent on him"

"It's none of your business who I date, now is it? And don't call him a loser, he's no more than you are"

Severus didn't know how to react to being defended. He was used to see for himself, but he knew she did it in good faith –"It's OK Lily, not worthy to waste words with jerks" – as much as he had dreamed of, they were not dating, of course, but as she hadn't bother to correct that… -"We'll be late for Charms, c'mon" –he finished, and began stalking down the hall looking cool, until he tripped on his billowing robes and landed with a loud thud on the ground. The Gryffindor boys laughed. One day, one day he'll get back at them…

But there he was, that Potter jerk trying to humiliate him once again, but what he didn't know, was that the flask in his left hand contained an allergy potion. They were both standing on top of the Astronomy Tower, were Severus had been studying the stars until a minute ago.

"Do you know what this is, Potter?" –the dim Moonlight silhouetting his dark frame.

"Your cucumber facial, I assume"

"Haha, very funny. It's an allergy potion" –he suddenly looked menacing as he held the flask and the wind battered his robes and hair.

He really didn't plan on using it on Potter, OK, he did, but Lily suddenly appeared through the door looking furious.

"James Potter! You skipped detention and I got in trouble covering for you! And for what? To find you up here tormenting this poor kid? Leave him alone already!"

"He's not tormenting me! He's a - -" –Severus had tried to tell Lily that this time he was actually winning against Potter, but she cut him off.

"And you! Letting him get at you!"

"But he did not- -" –he tried again, but she wouldn't let him finish. Obviously adolescence had struck her hard in their fifth year, as she was somewhat difficult to be with this year. She always seemed angry about something.

"Downstairs now! Both of you" –the Slytherin boy started heading towards the door with an annoyed expression. His robes billowing coolly after him. It would have been a perfect exit, if not for Potter tripping him and ruining it for him.

"Always thought those robes were a bit too big for you" –Potter said, as he exploded in laughter.

Severus' dark eyes scanned Lily's grave once again. He'd been thinking about Dumbledore since he got there but hadn't managed to speak the words yet.

"You were always so kind to me Lily, but in the end, you chose him…"

And just like that, in the end, Lily had chosen him. When they were on seventh year, after Severus began to be ignored, James Potter and _his_ Lily had become a couple. No one knew how or why, as she seemed to hate him so much, but it just happened. The Slytherin boy never forgave him, to the point of tormenting his own child at school. But his memory of Lily Evans always remained the same, and her pretty green eyes danced in Harry Potter's face.

"But in the end, you chose him Lily" –he whispered to her grave, sitting next to James' –"and he got you killed…"

Feeling somewhat redeemed with his conscience, although he hadn't said the words aloud, he knew Lily would understand, he turned around and started walking down the hill with the wind as his only company. It seemed to say 'I'm right here' as it made his robes flutter all around him. His heart singing a heartbreak lullaby as he knew he would never love anyone else. Once again his perfect exit. Perfect until the moment he tripped over his robes and landed face first on the cemetery ground, and once again, he could almost hear Potter's voice laughing at him for as long as he didn't let go of them, they wouldn't let go of him.

* * *

A/N: I'm not a Snape/Lily supported. This was made for a friend. Reviews appreciated. 


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